Prepare and repair for Christmas
... avoiding and managing overload and overwhelm during the festive season
Photo by Efrem Efre : https://www.pexels.com/photo
Ho-ho-ho, the festive season comes fast upon us! Do you approach it with excitement and keen anticipation or a sinking feeling of ‘too much planning/partying and people-pleasing’?
This period can be a time of joy, but for ADHDers, it can also be a minefield of demands, easily tipping you into overwhelm. It is important both to prepare for the festive demands by proactively managing your energy and time, and also to know how to repair your wellbeing, if overload or overwhelm do occur.
Let’s start with preparing for Christmas.
1. Know your triggers
I often use the consultation just before Christmas with my therapy clients to explore what typically makes this period tricky for them. Awareness is key.
Think back to past Christmases. What situations made you feel stressed, frazzled, or exhausted? Was it the crowded shops, the mountain of social commitments, or the endless decisions? Identify the specific triggers that push you toward overload.
Common triggers for overload and overwhelm include:
timely buying of presents or sending Christmas cards and messages
work parties and pre-Christmas social events
sensory overload from Christmas jingles, lights, shops, nativity plays etc
hosting a big Christmas lunch
family dynamics and politics or feeling alone or isolated
reduced self care as eat too much, drink too much, don’t sleep enough or don’t get enough solitude or self-rejuvenating time
winter colds and viruses coinciding with festive demands
Practical Tip: Write these triggers down and brainstorm ways to avoid or mitigate them. For example, if sending dozens of cards is too much, take a photo of your pet or family in front of a Christmas tree and WhatsApp it to everyone with a personalised message on Christmas Eve.
2. Simplify your commitments
It’s easy to get caught up in the festive frenzy and overcommit. But spreading yourself too thin is a surefire way to spiral into overwhelm. Practice saying “no” to non-essential activities and obligations.
Practical Tip: Before agreeing to any invitation, ask yourself: Does this event add joy to my holiday season, or does it add stress?
3. Delegate and ask for help
You don’t have to do it all yourself. Whether it’s asking others to ‘bring a dish’ to your get-together or wrapping presents with a friend, delegating tasks can take a huge weight off your shoulders.
Practical Tip: Make a list of tasks that others could help with and assign them early. Be specific about what you need.
4. Create a calm space
Amid the chaos, carve out a quiet, clutter-free area where you can retreat and recharge. Having a go-to space to decompress can help you recover from sensory and emotional overwhelm.
Practical Tip: Keep this space stocked with things that soothe you, such as noise-cancelling headphones, a favourite blanket or hot water bottle, or a mindfulness app.
5. Manage expectations
Perfectionism can sneak in during the holidays, leaving you feeling like you’re not doing enough. Remember, good enough is good enough. Focus on what truly matters - connection, kindness, and moments of joy.
Practical Tip: If your inner critic gets loud, challenge it with this question: Will anyone remember this tiny detail a year from now?
6. Protect your downtime
It’s tempting to fill every moment with festive activities, but rest is non-negotiable, especially for an ADHD brain. Downtime is essential for maintaining emotional regulation and staying out of the overwhelm zone.
Practical Tip: Block out time in your diary for rest and stick to it. Treat it as an important appointment with yourself. Even 30 minutes for yourself once per day can make a big difference.
7. Document your vicious cycles of overload and overwhelm
If you’ve read my earlier blog, why does my brain get so overwhelmed?, you’ll know the importance of understanding overload and overwhelm.
Overload is the amber-light state: your brain is processing too much but still has the capacity for intervention. You might feel stretched, distracted, or slightly agitated but can pause, reflect, and apply strategies to regain control. Think of overload as the “warning light” that signals the need for action.
Overwhelm is the red-light state: your brain is flooded, making rational thought and effective action difficult. At this stage, you may feel helpless, panicked, or frozen, unable to respond constructively.
The vicious cycles diagram is a much-used CBT tool, formulating each factor that maintains a particular mood state in a separate box. Writing down your personal vicious cycles for overload and overwhelm helps to make your self-observations more tangible and accessible when you find yourself in these states. Putting them in writing also stops you relying solely on your working memory (which is frequently poor in ADHD).
Here are sample vicious cycle formulations for each of these states:
You will notice the arrows, going in both directions, from the central box to each of the outer boxes. This is because, for example, the more overloaded I feel, the more distressing thoughts I have - and these thoughts in themselves further increase my sense of overload. Similarly, the more judgmental I become about others, the more overloaded I feel, and the judgments increase too. These cycles are vicious because they feed upon themselves, deepening and spiralling the distress.
You will also see that ‘behaviours’ have been categorised into those that are external and visible to others and those that go on privately within the mind. Worrying, judging, and ruminating are all mental processes, but they are also behaviours in that they are something we are doing, an activity that we are undertaking, albeit internally.
Your personal vicious cycles
Here is a blank PDF file for you to complete your own cycles. Press the hamburger icon to the right of the pink download button and select download. Select ‘form filling’ on the PDF’s top menu, then the ‘A in the square’ icon to add your own text.
It might be easier to identify overwhelm first, as it’s usually much more distressing and therefore easier to remember in detail than the state of overload.
Bring to mind a specific and recent episode of when you felt overwhelmed - don’t just think of how you are when you are overwhelmed in general, think deeply upon an actual episode so you can view clearly what was going on for you in those moments. Fill in your overwhelmed vicious cycle.
Now bring to mind a specific and recent episode of when you felt overloaded. It might be the hours or days leading up to the overwhelm episode you’ve just detailed, or some other occasion. Complete your own overloaded vicious cycle.
Breaking the vicious cycles
You may recall from my earlier blog on why strong emotions override rational thinking, that the human mind is designed to shut off rational, logical thinking, when in the grip of any very intense emotional state, such as overwhelm. ie when the amygdala is highly activated, or ‘hijacked’, it literally switches off the neural connections to the pre-frontal cortex, so that you cannot think rationally.
Overwhelm is a state of amygdala ‘hijack’
This means that trying to think your way out of the hijack simply won’t work - the only effective interventions are those that soothe your amygdala, until the pre-frontal cortex comes back on line. At that point, you can start to challenge unhelpful or unrealistic thoughts using rational thinking again.
Repair your overload and overwhelm
The key to managing overload and overwhelm is to soothe and ground yourself, by deliberately shifting your attention towards:
neutral external sensory stimuli
pleasant physical sensations through self-massage or progressively relaxing your muscles
by inducing a felt sense of safety by using visualisation
If while doing any of these behavioural interventions, your mind starts to bring up any of those vicious cycle thoughts, images or behavioural impulses, remember not to suppress or avoid them, but just let them be in the background of your attention (see the Pink Elephant video for a practical experiment showing why suppression and avoidance don’t work). You can even offer those vicious cycle thoughts, images and impulses some kindness, for delivering their message to you - that this overwhelm is something you need to be alert to - and then you can talk to them with compassion, telling them that you’ll take over from here and that they can have some much needed time off.
Final thoughts: enjoying a balanced Christmas
Navigating the festive season with ADHD requires intentionality and self-awareness. By understanding your triggers, simplifying your commitments, planning effectively, and prioritising rest, you can create a Christmas experience that feels joyful instead of stressful.
Remember: you don’t need to do everything or please everyone. Protecting your mental health is the greatest gift you can give yourself this holiday season.
Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/
I’ve stumbled upon this after Christmas but so much here makes so much sense to me. Thank you for sharing such a kind, calm piece full of good, practical advice.
Thank you so much for this, I think I’ll find it really helpful in the coming days